sometimes i just want to hibernate somewhere by myself and not have contact with any humans. perhaps then this restlessness in me would cease.

i feel...i feel...many things. feelings that cannot be described in words nor actions.


am i a bad person?

will i be condemned in hell? will i burn forever in hell's raging fires?

*sigh*

morose thoughts.

starting my undergraduate course tomorrow. i must do well. i must get 1st upper class honours.

then i can thumb my nose at those detractors! *nyeh-heh*

i wish i knew how to live life fully. i feel that i'm only doing and thinking abt things with a small percentage of me. the other large percentage is sleeping and does not want to be awoken.

perhaps i should take up a sport. then it might make me more healthy? haha.

i wonder why the atmosphere at my lab feels so toxic now.

it's been a few months at NUH. Life's going pretty smoothly though not exactly to my liking.

Whoever said life was wrought with difficult roads were dead on the spot, man.

I am kinda bored. i seem to do pretty much the same things every day. Eat, sleep n go to work.

:(

anyway, nothing much else to update.

random thoughts

didn't feel like blogging for a long time.

now i juz feel like unloading all my thoughts.

sometimes i cannot figure out why i have to fight or why i bother so much to make people approve of me.

sad case huh?

i hate politics.

did i mention that i hate politics?

damn it.

the stupid politics is now affecting my job.

i really suspect that it has travelled to the higher authorities.

i got screamed at for no reason that day by the chief.

damn it.

what i shall do from now is keep quiet and do my work.

dun talk to people already.

i mean, what harm did i do to them?

i never participate in any of the rumour mongering they delight in brewing and i have never opened my mouth to bad-mouth any one of them.

f*** it lah.

i saw v that day on my way home. recalled all the half-baked things we did as a group.

was nice while it lasted i suppose.

i felt so *eurgh*. i mean i have put on weight since then and i dun think i'm that pretty. so i must have looked horrendous and so changed but she said i looked the same. what a nice girl. still as tactful as last time.

i know i must do something abt my weight but i keep putting it off.

maybe i should do a fann wong and pop some xando pills.

i'm afraid it might kill my liver, though.

so...i shall stay fat.

haha.

he keeps telling me i'm not but i know better rite? rite.

i really feel like i'm stuck in a rut.

a lot of friends i know are in the process of getting their degrees or getting one.

here i am, working and managing my own finances and worrying abt how to sustain my family once my sis gets married.

i didn't ask to be born.

when i told my mum that i plan to get my degree part tiem, she said you have money for your future wedding?

i told her, mum, that one is later. the degree is impt cos i need it to improve my job position and my salary as well.

she gave me a dissatisfied face and told me to do whatever i like cos i dun listen to her anyway.

sigh.

i mean seriously, i could juz move out of this house and do what i like but i respect you and stay in this house and this is what you do to me?

*shakes head*

i could just tear out my hair.

i think my sis has a bf but she has not told me anything.

it hurts to realise that sometimes all she needs me for is for her own needs. when i have no use for her, i'm cast aside. probably to her, i'm not cool enough.

depressed thoughts.

why can't i partake in your happiness and sadness as well?

why do you cast me aside as if i'm a third person?

do i not matter?

am i that unimportant?

disappointments ahead...pls avoid. thank you.

I was very moody today. I can't believe that she sold me out in that manner.

And to think that I believed in her.

And I defended her to him. He told me, "I don't trust her. Be careful"

I didn't listen.

My heart wrenched itself.

What a hypocrite.

My anger is lost now.

What else can I do?

She will be justly punished.

Soon.

Who am I to judge?

But how dare she ensnare me in this web she spun?

Poor baby...*sniff*

*sniff* my nose is not feeling too good. Got 2 days' MC . wahaha....My supervisor told me that the staff clinic's doctor is very generous with her MCs... well... I don't mind. *winkz*

I left work early yesterday cos I was having a really bad pounding headache and I kept feeling like I was going to faint. Slept for a long time yesterday and today as well. The medicine is really so strong that it makes me super sleepy after taking it.

I like my job @ NUH.

Dunno what else to write...so bye for now!

lazy day @ home

well, well... 3 weeks has passed since I started work @ NUH. Work has been going fine and dandy. I get mostly good reviews abt how I do work. That's good I suppose. Will help to better cement my confirmation. :)

Does love for a person change?

I wonder. I still do love him but sometimes this love frustrates me. It seems to have no specific destination.

I think and worry too much, I think.

Sometimes, I wish for an all-consuming love that will consume my entire being. But if you think abt it, it will certainly destroy me totally if it went wrong, right?

I definitely think too much.

Let's end this morose entry with a joke I received through e-mail.

4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital waiting for their wives to give birth. Soon, a nurse came out from the delivery room and told the first daddy: "Congratulations, you've twins!". "Oh!..... maybe it's just a coincidence" said the daddy, as I'm working at the Petronas Twin Towers". Then another nurse came out of the room and told the second daddy: "Congratulations, you've triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincidence,too" said the second daddy.
"I am working for 3M Corporation".
A while later, another nurse appeared and told the third daddy:
"Congratulations! your wife got quadruplets"
"Thanks God. Perhaps this is also a coincidence".
"I work at Four Seasons Hotel!".
Meanwhile, the fourth daddy-to-be was becoming very worried.
All the 3 daddies asked him: "Why do you look so worried?".
He answered, "I work at Seven-Eleven!"

wahaha...

work,work and more work

Hope you all didn't miss me...haha.

I've just started work @ NUH. It is not bad. That's the only comment I can give now cos it's too early to give a proper, unbiased comment.

It is quite annoying to be at a lab and not have a permanent mentor to teach you. But I'm lucky in the sense that I have a cute guy teaching me...hehe...*giggles* Too bad he's married. Haha. *sigh* Why are filippino guys so cute?? haha...

The lab @ NUH is a healthy mixture of all races and that makes me glad. It is quite awkward to be among a bunch of people and not have anything to contribute to the conversation cos you don't know what they're talking about. Now, they only talk in english and it is easy for me. Hehe...

Got lots to remember and I am so eager to learn more! My brain is clamouring for more info and it keeps working overtime. He says that I look more happier here and he's right. Playing with shit, urine and blood is more my forte than playing with the computer. *grinz*

I still need to finish my 3 books... hehe.

Bye, dearies!